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Creature of Darkness

Creature of Darkness (2009) Movie Poster
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  •  USA  •    •  81m  •    •  Directed by: Mark Stouffer.  •  Starring: Devon Sawa, Sanoe Lake, Matthew Lawrence, Siena Goines, Dan White, Kevin Alejandro, Jennifer Howie, Ryan Judd, Fernanda Romero, Phil Van Tee, Matt Lattimore, Ingrid Graham..
       Andrew is haunted by the nightmare of dying a horrible death in the claw of a rampaging creature. A friend convinces him the only way to conquer imagined fear is to confront it head on. When they invite an adventurous group of off-roaders for radical cycling in remote terrain, no one knows they are being led to the time and place the nightmare unfolds. As sunset plunges them into darkness, the dreadful dream turns real, and they are attacked by the Catcher, a skilled and brutal collector of human specimens for alien science. They are no match for the deft hunter, and it picks its victims, dragging them into an underground catacomb. When Andrew's girlfriend is seized, he confronts the ultimate terror of tracking her into the unknown danger below. In a courageous rescue, they attempt escape, but the vicious visitor has marked them with a scent, and it pursues in an unrelenting attack.

Trailers:

   Length:  Languages:  Subtitles:
 1:29
 
 

Review:

Image from: Creature of Darkness (2009)
Image from: Creature of Darkness (2009)
Image from: Creature of Darkness (2009)
Image from: Creature of Darkness (2009)
Image from: Creature of Darkness (2009)
Image from: Creature of Darkness (2009)
Image from: Creature of Darkness (2009)
Image from: Creature of Darkness (2009)
Image from: Creature of Darkness (2009)
So, there's a kind of 90 second introduction before the opening credits. It paints an abundantly clear picture that this is gonna be a really bad movie. If after the first 90 seconds you think that this could somehow turn into a decent movie, you must be either from the past, or out of your mind.

After the credits we see a bunch of American kids on some trip. Never mind the details like why or where because clearly this movie wasn't made to make sense. Having seen the intro, it's no surprise all the dialogue is hopelessly stupid. I don't know how old these kids are supposed to be - they look like 25 but act like 14 with brain damage. At this point I'm thinking this movie might actually be funny because of how stupid it is. Well, I was right, but it gets dumber by the minute, and in the end it's a bit too boring to be funny anymore.

Let's move on to paint a bit more of the picture. We get two military guys investigating a corpse... or at least I think that's the idea. They look like 2 actors whose script says "you're investigating a corpse," but they have no idea what that means, so they're just standing around looking dumb. As they're standing there, in their military uniforms with their military helmets next to their military jeep and a big sign that says U.S.A.F., one of the kids identifies them as "the cops." That was pretty funny. I didn't see that level of stupidity coming. To save the day comes a blonde chick who explains to the dumb lot that those obviously military guys are the military. Well what do you know, only 7 minutes into the movie and already this amusing. But that's about the peak of it.

Quickly enters another blondie who shows her breasts because one of the guys asks for it. Uhmm.... OK, they're Americans, so I try not to think too much about that one. And then I try not to think too much about the rest of the movie, which consists mostly of incredibly dumb arguments among the kids (like who's whose girlfriend and who's to blame for whatever's happening), very poor visual effects right out of the early 80's, and a pointless storyline that reaches a new level of absurdity when one of the guys starts telling a story about his uncle. But at least you learn about this Hunter called "The Catcher." Very inventive.

This is not the kind of movie where you speculate about whether the characters behave rationally or even realistically or not. They don't. You can see that. It's not up for debate. This is the kind of movie where you don't care who gets killed, because all the characters are so dumb that for all you care they can all get killed 10 minutes into the movie and get it over with. It would save you a whole hour of really bad "entertainment." If this was made in 1979, I'd give it 4 points. It being 2009, it gets 2. And one of those 2 is only because at times it was actually funny. Oh wait, was this supposed to be a horror movie? Ooops. For something to be scary it has to be at least a little bit realistic. This is about as realistic as a two-headed Yeti in your closet munching on your snack that it stole from the fridge.

One more thing. At some point I actually had one scary thought - if people in the US are actually as dumb as the characters in this movie, we're all really doomed.

This movie is not recommended to anyone who managed to read this review in less than 2 days without needing a dictionary.


Review by infernal-eternal from the Internet Movie Database.