Star Crystal |
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 • USA • 1986 • 91m •    • Directed by: Lance Lindsay. • Starring: C. Juston Campbell, Faye Bolt, John W. Smith, Taylor Kingsley, Marcia Linn, Eric Moseng, Thomas William, Don Kingsley, Robert Allen, Emily Longstreth, Lisa Goulian, Charles Linza, Randall England. • Music by: Doug Katsaros.      Set in 2032, as missions from Earth are being sent to explore Mars. After two groups of astronauts are mysteriously killed following the discovery of strange artefacts on the martian surface, the crew of the SC-37 go in to try and find out what happened. They soon learn what became of their predecessors when a bloodthirsty space monster begins lunching on members of the crew. Will any of them make it back to Earth alive?
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Boy, does this hilariously horrendous honey possess all the right wrong stuff to rate as a real four-star stinkeroonie: Clunky (mis)direction by Lance Lindsay (who also wrote the asinine script), terrible acting by a lame no-name cast, lots of gross goo, rinky-dink (not so) special effects, a meandering narrative that unfolds at a plodding pace, cheap sets (the space station looks suspiciously like a shopping mall!), one-note cardboard characters who include a hysterical blonde bimbo and a token obnoxiously hip expendable black dude, tacky gore, a gloriously ludicrous sentimental ending in which the heretofore hostile extraterrestrial suddenly becomes benign and apologizes to the two survivors for its previous violent actions (!), and a hideously sappy synth pop song called "Crystal of a Star" sung by Stefanianna Christopherson, who was the original voice of Daphne on "Scooby-Doo." A total cruddy hoot.
Review by Woodyanders from the Internet Movie Database.
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