Sharkansas Women's Prison Massacre

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USA • 2015 • 84m •

• Directed by: Jim Wynorski. • Starring: Dominique Swain, Traci Lords, Christine Nguyen, Cindy Lucas, Amy Holt, John Callahan, Corey Landis, Chris De Christopher, Tabitha Marie, Serafin Falcon, Oscar DeRosa, Skye McDonald, John Archer Lundgren. • Music by: Chuck Cirino.

A group of women offenders escape while on a routine prison detail in a remote and heavily wooded area. Carl, the officer in charge, and two law enforcement agents are hot on their tail. What both parties don't know is that nearby fracking has accidentally opened a waterway where a prehistoric shark has entered...

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1:15

Review:

Before I give my thoughts (because I'm not going to go scene by scene) on this movie, I want to say that I didn't expect a The Godfather or Pulp Fiction quality picture. I knew it'd be a campy and silly take on the sharkdisaster animal movies that have inundated the B and C movie arena. However, this was just plain terrible.

Let's start with the writing. Wynorski and the other 2 credited writers are lazy and for all their years, still can't write a decent script. The Asian slurs were old and tired after the 3rd one, yet they kept them coming at every turn. The girl and geologist's assistant sharing that tender moment and kissing...where the hell did that come from? What was the point? What about the beef between the brunette who gets attacked by the shark and Michelle (The Asian)? Next scene, they are getting on like nothing happened. Totally ridiculous. And the hidden stash of guns being found because a can hits the wall? How hard did she hit that can to make it fly and bust the vent off of that wall? STUPID! And toy guns? Like plastic toy guns. Pathetic.

Next, the CGI and effects. Laughable, but that much was expected.

The absolute worst was the embarrassing acting! Dominique Swain. WHAT THE HELL? What a promising career. What happened? She was corny and contrived and her portrayal of a bad ass criminal was terrible. Cindy Lucas is an absolute joke. She was less believable than anyone else! Traci Lords, same thing. Corny ass lines and no idea how to make them the least bit convincing. The wardrobe changes and makeup were so out of element, it was insulting. Could they not have frumped them up, maybe made them actually look like convicts?

I am harsh here because it didn't have that self deprecating charm that Sharknado does. Even those films, which are pretty enjoyable, don't take themselves too seriously. This one tried to inject sensitivity and make it seem as if there is a lot on the line. Stuff like the Cindy LucasD. Swain relationship, Christine Nguyen's character had a son waiting at home, that kiss and monologue between the geologist's assistant and the blonde girl. She acts like they've known each other for years, yet they met and fell in love within 20 minutes? Then he gets eaten, purposely standing in the way of a shark, while shooting at it with no effect. The blonde girl cries as if she lost the love of her life! Why were we supposed to care about that character? It made zero sense and it actually made things even more ridiculous.

Skip this junk. If you want camp, watch Sharknado. These actresses are crap if they're not undressing and simulating sex every 9 minutes. Wynorski sucks and has gotten worse. I shudder to think of anything that's worse than this movie. Everyone involved should attempt to strike this from their resume because it's worse than terrible.

Review by mcarter-49113 from the Internet Movie Database.